Forgiveness - Not as Easy as it Sounds

**Update: November 9, 2015. I was named in the will after all. Just a few days after writing this original post, a copy of the will was mailed to me. My dad left me $10. My step-sister was given everything else. I know that in 2010, when the will was changed, Dad was not in a good place and he was very mad at me. But I also know that when he died in July 2015, he did not feel the same way about me. He died loving me and I him. Then yesterday, my step-sister called to ask if there was anything at the house that I wanted. Via my dh, I gave her a short list. She is getting it together and I should have it later today. This is a great gift but I will not be over-analyzing it - just enjoying it.**

Over a year ago, my dad suffered a stroke and was hospitalized. He had been upset with me for several years since we moved off the ranch. He was an alcoholic but had to stop drinking after his stroke. My step-sister, the caregivers, my aunt and uncle, and cousins did not contact me to tell me he was in the hospital. I was crushed when 3 weeks later I found out via a friend that he had had a stroke. I mourned the loss of my relationship with my dad as well as for those I had thought I had with my family. That was a year ago Easter. At some point he changed his will and made my step-sister the executer and wrote me & my other step-sister completely out of it. 

This Lenten season I wrote my dad a letter telling him that I had forgiven him and I hoped one day he could forgive me of whatever he thought I had done. I also caught him up on our lives just to let him know he was still a part of our family. And I let him know that I had also forgiven the rest of the family - except for my step-sister because she had caused a great deal of this situation by feeding his alcohol induced emotions. She is greedy and selfish (not judgements, but facts) and saw an opportunity to acquire the entire ranch for herself.

Just a few days after I mailed this letter, the caregiver called to say that dad wanted to see us. I called him the next day and set up a time that weekend for us to stop by. We did not discuss any of the issues that had separated us; however, we talked and laughed for a couple of hours. He invited us to his 80th birthday party. I was beyond happy and we enjoyed several months of weekly visits to his home and regular phone calls to him to check on his health and rehab. 

The day our youngest grandchild was born, my dad developed pnemonia (from inhaling something into his lungs) and was immediately hospitalized. My wonderful husband called my step-sister to let her know and he kept in touch with her during the entire illness. On July 14, we were able to take him home with hospice and he died peacefully on July 16, 2015. My step-sister was welcomed at the funeral but we did not consult her about any of the arrangements. She was not happy and let us know that in no uncertain terms. 

The thing is - forgiveness is a wonderful gift - both to give and receive. I have forgiven my family because they were following my dad's wishes and doing what he wanted. He had the attitude he did for many reasons but she kept the hate alive all those years. I write this after finding out that she filed the will last month and since neither my other step-sister or I were contacted, we were obviously not named in the will. I am good with this because I got my father's love back, his respect back, and 4 months of talking and sharing and loving one another that she can never take away from me. I miss my dad every single day and only wish I had had more time with him. But he is happy now and back in the arms of his loving wife - my step-mom! While I haven't forgiven my step-sister, I have put it behind me and realize that I do not have to forgive her to move on because she is not any part of my life. I am glad to be done with that. God bless y'all and remember, if your parents are alive - call them often, visit when you can, and always love them, even when they get old.